"We'll figure it out" is not a plan

You've probably talked at length with your spouse or partner about the logistics: the birth plan, the registry or shower, and who's in the delivery room. You’ve also likely pinned down the best bassinets, sleep sacks, and diapers. Check, check, and check!

But have you talked about who's getting up at 3 a.m. with the baby when both of you have a 7 a.m. meeting? What happens if one of you wants to stay home and the other prefers having two incomes? Have you discussed how to split the chores around the house when you’re both back at work full-time?

Those conversations feel unnecessary right now but suddenly become very urgent once the baby is here. (And, did you know, 3 a.m. usually isn’t the right time for that conversation to be had!)

The biggest pitfall in any new-parent relationship isn't always simple conflict, it’s usually about the unsaid assumptions.

You assume your spouse knows what you need even when you don’t state it. 🫣

Your spouse assumes you'll just figure it out together when the time comes. 🤪

And "we'll figure it out" almost always means one person quietly carries more than their share and (surprise!) resentment builds. 

Before baby, your relationship runs on its existing patterns. After baby, those patterns get stress-tested fast. The couples who come out stronger aren't the ones who had an easy first year. They're the ones who talked about the difficult conversations before things got hard.

These aren't small questions. But they're also not scary ones, they’re just not always fun conversations to have.

The Bold Parents Journal has a full section on critical relationship discussions on pages 68–85. These questions are designed to walk you through exactly these scenarios and more. It's structured as an interview you do with your partner where you each answer individually and then you compare answers to start the discussion.

The goal isn't to have every question figured out. It's simply to stop assuming your partner already knows the answers to them.

We’re in your corner,
Lauran Arledge & The Bold Parents Team

📓  Want to actually prepare and have the conversations to before baby comes? Get The Bold Parents Journal today.

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